resentment fuels my mind
posions my blood
empty promises you have made
you adore me and ridicule me
so much for the team
when you are captain
and i am beaten
silence fills my head
poison visions of you
i gave it all to you
threw mine away
so you would love me
and still you don’t see
frustration is my name
i cannot talk to you
This is something I have been working on. Playing with no capitalization or punctuation. I don’t think it is quite there yet.
sounds like a cathartic poem. Plus, everyone seems to just be having a great day
I kind of think it’s neat. It was easy to read, and lately I tend to read things and pick out the flaws and all the grammatical errors, such is the beast of editing. That flowed really well for me.
It was simple and to the point with some really nice images. I think you’re right and it does need a little tweaking but not too much. Maybe give it a few weeks to rest and come back to it? I find that always helps me with editing.
Thanks for stopping by my blog! Nice to meet you!
Anna J. Evans
It reads good to me. I write my poetry the e e cummings way. No capitalizations. Punctuations are there.
It says how you see the line between love and hate, between being notice or ignore…
I can feel the passion, throught the hate…
I’m totally relating to this one. As for tweaks… I’m with Anna. Not too many; you’re like 95% of the way there.
“…poison visions of you…”
This is always the result, isn’t it?
oooh yeah - boy do i have days like this!
Great poem, I agree with the others, only a little tweaking needed.
Personally I’m a fan of poems that run on without breaks or capitalizations. I liked your ending:
“and still you don’t see
frustration is my name
i cannot talk to you”