I was pondering a post. It was peculating around my mind and was fairly certain I was going to post that. Until I heard this weeks favorite new song. This song makes me think of young love. Being in your early twenties with all possibilities open and ready for the taking. Which then made me think of the boyfriend I had in my early twenties. One thing led to another and I was re-viewing my life thru the relationships I have had. That is what marks time in your life ~ relationships. With others and with ourselves. Every person you have a connection with with has marked you and defines who are that moment. That person could be a long term relationship, or a one night stand. They all have meaning and are perfect in that second. When I think of my second love. I try not to focus on that fact that he way lying, cheating bastard. He taught me something. I hung on way too long because I saw all the possibilities of who he could be. Instead of honoring all the possibilities within myself.
During these times of contemplation I view my life in befores and afters. Before my husband and after. Before my sister died and after. These two events were only months apart and cannot be separated. I had the highest highs and lowest lows all within 90 days. All while, being pregnant with my son. And, it was he that saved me from running. From all the best and worst in me, he saved me from myself. It was being pregnant with him that made me feel the pain and walk with grief.
And, I am here now. I struggle with a deep restlessness. I wanna shake things up and get out of my mundane routines of life. No matter how much you want to walk out, you cannot leave your life. It will be waiting for you when you arrive. You have to take stock, do your best, fight your demons, find the truth of who you are. I have been embracing all the parts of me that want to run, dye my hair purple, tattoo my ass, piercings in questionable places. These are parts are deeply rooted in the Scorpio parts of my being. The deep, dark, underworld of my soul. The pieces of me that are shocking and frightening even to myself. They have been emerging in my writing to have their say. I am stronger and more whole by letting them have a go.
Now I view myself and I see glimmers of the Brilliance of who I am. And, this I know ~ We did not come to this plane to live in misery. We came to shine. Brighter than we can imagine. We came to Shine our Light in all the Brilliance of who we are.
Yes, this song inspired all of this:
I resemble a lot of these comments of yours… except for the purple hair. For some reason, every time we try, the purple washes out.
In all seriousness, I think some of this feeling, at least for me, comes from the realization that school begins in three weeks. The kids will be out of the house every day and yeah, one’ll go half-days, but it’s still freedom and some of the change I’m craving right now…
Hang in there, babe. I hear you. I feel what you feel. If you can, ride it out. If not, why not take the hair green?
That’s a pretty sound. Though the singer sounds more 14 than early twenties to me. Such a young voice!
I think we all experience restlessness from time to time. I’m glad that you got through the grief/pregnancy/new marriage period ok.
Oops, by SOUND I mean SONG. Just woke up!
I could really relate to how you have these before/after moments. I feel that too in a lot of ways. The defining moments in life right. Anyway, I just “discovered” that song a couple of weeks ago and it’s one of my current favorites.
Good tune. Like Iliana, I just heard this song for the first time a couple of weeks ago.
Hubby and I have been grooving on this song a lot lately …. it was such a nice surprise to find it here.
I love where you say “Every person you have a connection with with has marked you and defines who are that moment” it is so so true and something that is a good filter to use when one looks back at their youth.
In so far as purple hair and tattoos …. I have the later but think that as I draw closer to 40 I may have to let the former go as a life not lived.
LOL
Mama Kelly
love this song. and it does have a pretty sound
thanx for sharing it as i probably would have never run across it otherwise.
i agree with all your musing about how relationships define us. i have come to believe that how we relate to one another and our self is more important that any doctrine or ideology or social status.