Would you like to know how it feels to reveal a secret that has been kept for almost 30 years
I feel, mostly, stunned. After that: overwhelmed, sad, empty, scared, sketched out. I am just now realizing what keeping a secret for so long can do to a person. Apparently, it takes a lot of energy. I look at myself in stunned awe and think “I had a secret for THIRTY years!” My brain is having a hard time wrapping itself around this thought. Me, a secret But, I did or do. But now that secret has been “outed” thru no fault of my own. I had no choice but to tell my husband, something I have never ever, obviously, wanted to think about, deal with, talk about, reconcile with, overcome etc…. While Dh has been wonderful, I am still stunned. Now that it is out I HAVE to deal with it…. The whole thing literally takes my breath away and I feel actual pain in my solar plexus (3rd chakra). As, I said previously, I feel like an excavator has been ripping thru my soul. Digging away. Now where this secret lay, in the pit of my soul, is hugely empty. I feel like I have a humungous hole in my soul ( no rhyme intended). At some point I HOPE that a lovely garden will grow, now it is barren and empty.
It is interesting that right before I told my DH, I picked the Goddess Sedna. She is there for you in the places you fear most and if you go there she will bless you with the most amazing gifts. Guidance can be so funny. Funny as in HA-HA and funny as in interesting. This was funny as Fucking Great, not.
Stunned in Maine
Keep your head up!!! I’ll be reading!
stunned is better than ashamed or sad or anything else really negative, right?